My mother passed away on June 29, 2019 in Collingwood Hospital at the age of 75. This is the eulogy that I read at her Celebration of Life at Alpine Ski Club on July 12th.
Camille Perry was born in 1943 at Toronto Western Hospital. Her mother Jean Earle Perry Thompson, from Newfoundland came to Toronto for nurse’s training. Camille’s father, Wib Perry, was disappointed when he was ineligible for military service due to his affliction with polio as a child. Jean and Wib had a whirlwind courtship, married and had four daughters, first Camille and then Jane, Patti, and Suzie. Wib worked in Radio and Advertising, leading the family to move to Vermont and California where Patti and Suzie were born, eventually settling back in Toronto.
Some of the events of her early years affected who Camille would become. She often chuckled at the irony of a father who always wanted a son and ended up with 5 daughters. He left her mother at a time when divorce was infrequent, remarried and had another daughter, Anita, Camille’s half-sister who lives in BC. Camille was 12 when they were left to pick up the pieces with a despondent mother. Camille took her role as eldest seriously and had a strong sense of responsibility for her mother and sisters. When their father left, Jean packed her girls up to spend time in Newfoundland with her family. Our mother often referenced her memories of Fogo Island, playing bridge with her grandparents, bonding with her relatives there. She always felt a connection to Newfoundland and visited again later in life.
The family returned to Toronto where Camille was a gifted student at Alderwood High School near the Lakeshore. Ola, who was student council president, recalls the night they got together, a Sadie Hawkins dance where she picked him out of a line-up of young men. Once together, they were inseparable. Camille loved to sew clothes and made them shirts from the same fabric which led to teasing of Ola but he still wore the shirts. They were the nicest ones he owned.
Ola and Camille were in love, discovered they were expecting a child in Grade 13. Both had planned to go to university. This caused great consternation with the school and with Ola’s family. They married on March 9, 1962 at a Salvation Army chapel and began their life together in a small apartment in Etobicoke, both leaving school after Ola completed Grade 13. I was born four months later in July 1962. Randy was born 15 months later in October, 1963.
Our parents were young so sometimes I thought they were growing up along with us, especially my dad. 🙂 Ola worked hard and built a career for himself in sales and soon had his own businesses. Camille was a stay at home mother who was determined to go to university. Once Randy and I started school, she enrolled at York University where she earned her Bachelor of Arts in Economics. My parents had their ups and downs in those years, as so many couples do, but ultimately, they chose each other and recommitted to their life together with a new baby. Rebecca was born in 1973.
As a child, I remember mom creating special memories for my brother and I, unexpected days off school just to do fun things, making cookies, buying and decorating our very own Christmas trees, making plastic mold creatures, trips to the Ex, mini shopping sprees. Ten years later, I saw mom create special interests and activities that she shared with my sister. And when grandchildren came along, she planned days with them, took some of them to Disney World in Florida, spoiled them with attention and wonderful gifts or cash to spend on their birthdays and Christmas.
My mother helped my dad with accounting work for his businesses but as they grew, she stepped away. It wasn’t what she loved to do. She always had a sewing machine and often would make clothes for us. She explored other crafts: knitting and crochet, macramé, jewellery making, weaving – for a time she had a huge weaving loom and even dyed the yarn. She owned a craft store, the Stich N Post in Markham and I remember we would sometimes have a booth at craft shows and fairs. She’d get us all into her latest interest. I remember macramé owls everywhere and jars of beads, sitting together, making necklaces or working with polymer clay.
We had a cottage in Huntsville and enjoyed weekends and family gatherings there. As a family, we started skiing at Curlew Ski Club but eventually moved to the Collingwood area, first at the Toronto Ski Club and then Alpine Ski Club. My mother skied in the early years but preferred to stay home with her sewing machine while the rest of the family enjoyed the winter sports. She never wanted to go faster than snowplowing.
When I became a mother, our relationship grew and I turned to her for help with my boys so many times, I couldn’t possibly count. Jordan was born while Doug and I were in 3rdyear at the University of Waterloo and she would drive up to take Jordan for a week over exams or anytime we needed. When we started our careers and both had to travel, she was a short call away. She would come and stay at our house or take the kids home with her. She never said no when I asked for help, and she always worked out what would make my life easier.
My mother discovered the art of quilting around 1985. She’d found the ultimate artistic outlet for her, combining her mathematical skills with her years of sewing and crafts with her strong creative sensibilities and aptitude for colour. Once captivated, she worked night and day on her quilts, attended classes and conferences, eventually developed her own designs and went on to write six books on quilting. As her expertise grew, she loved to share her knowledge and enthusiasm with others, by teaching at special events and conferences, as far away as Australia, and as president of the York Heritage Quilt Guild and member of the Mad & Noisy Quilters in the Georgian Triangle. Camille was also on the board of the Ontario Crafts Council.
Camille and Ola have seven grandchildren, my three sons Jordan, Perry and Tyler, Randy’s three, Ryley, Roni, and Austen, and Rebecca’s son, Jasper. Camille loved spending time with her grandchildren and had a special relationship with each of them.
Mom was always seeking answers to life’s greater questions. Everything from self-help books and workshops (if she believed it would make a difference, she enrolled everyone in the family) to eastern philosophies and religions and meditation, new age tapes and events involving speakers like Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, and Louise Hay. She was concerned with quieting the mind, maintaining positive energy, believed in karma and reincarnation. Words mattered. She often commented on my stress level and ‘busy mind’, wanted me to ‘relax’. She collected little books with wisdom quotes, often sharing insights she thought were helpful.
Camille and Ola enjoyed travel and had many special trips together and with family, including Norway, a tour of the UK, an adventure in China, the youth Olympics in Austria with family to see her granddaughter win a silver medal, Egypt, a family trip to Lake Louise on her 70thbirthday and many other fun times. My parents have a winter home in Florida near St Pete’s beach where they have been members at Isla Del Sol Golf Club. They were early, “Eagle” members at Osler Brook Golf club, involved in the building of the club house and we appreciate so many from the club who have come to honour her. She enjoyed golfing and regularly attended the weekly ladies golf days and life at the club for many years but she has been unable to golf for a couple of years now.
Everyone is aware that my mother’s last few years took a sad and unexpected turn. We trace the beginnings of her dementia to an unfortunate episode with pancreatitis in late 2014. She was in extreme pain and spent days in hospital on morphine. That fall and winter, as she recovered, there were a few odd incidents of hallucinations and forgetfulness. Ola started to notice some uncharacteristic mistakes with their finances and assumed control in late 2015.
In 2016, it was becoming apparent that something was wrong. Finally we got her to a specialist appointment. The first diagnosis in August 2016 was Alzheimer’s, middle stages. Devastating shockwaves went around the family. The doctor said nothing could be done, no prescriptions that would help.
But then Camille’s symptoms became increasingly bizarre – including constant hallucinations. Based on this, the doctor changed her diagnosis to suspected Lewy Body Dementia. In this case, medication could help for a while. She went on it and we also began to research. So much is unknown about the causes for dementia which is becoming epidemic. Many of you have shared with us incidents within your own family and there are many new studies and information. My dad was committed to helping her and got her on supplements, adjusted her diet, enrolled her in a special program.
Mom started to improve dramatically with these treatments and her constant hallucinations all but stopped by the end of 2016. We had a reprieve. She wasn’t fully back to being the old Camille but she was still with us and we had some better times for a couple of years. My father has really stepped up throughout all of this, although it’s taken a toll on him. I could not be more impressed or proud of Ola for how he cared for my mother but it wasn’t about duty for him, it was about love.
Sadly, her decline was evident in the past 6 months and we worried about the inevitable next step for her, a nursing home. She would have hated that and what was happening to her. I believe her spirit intervened. She had inner reserves of strength and wisdom that are hard to describe. Just a month ago, she shared her desire to move on from this life in a surprisingly succinct voice. I think some part of her figured it out. In the end, however, it was severe rapid-onset pneumonia that brought her to the hospital on father’s day and she passed a couple of weeks later.
Although her final years were tragic while we slowly lost pieces of the woman we’d loved, Camille was sweet most of the time and knew her family. She still carried herself with the grace and dignity that was inherent to her character. Her great sense of humour prevailed and she could still laugh to the point of tears. We will miss her constant presence in our lives.
But now it’s time to remember Camille for who she was her whole life, not just in the last years when she was unwell.
Camille was a beautiful woman inside and out, strong and dignified, reserved, sensitive, private, full of heart, creative, inquisitive, a searcher for spiritual wisdom, she appreciated simple pleasures and the beauty of nature, she was smart, practical and organized, committed to her family and loyal. She could be somewhat of a loner with an artist’s temperament yet also socially engaging, friendly, outgoing, even the life of the party at times. She could be stubborn and had strong opinions. Doug used to say “your mother has the gift of clarity” and it was true. She loved to share the wisdom she was gaining in her studies of new age philosophies and insights into the human condition.
She had a unique sense of humour. If she found something funny, she would laugh until she cried, most notably at the adorable things that children would share. She had strong morals, was always clear on what was right and wrong, common courtesy and decency were critical, was always kind and considerate. She was generous with her time and gifts, especially of money. Her grandchildren will remember all the $50 bills tucked into the Kinder surprises. She knew the importance of family and community.
For me, she will always be the voice in my head that coaches me to be my best self, to stop stressing, to be kind to myself and others, to follow my creative urges. Now that she is at peace, I can see her in all her stages of life, as a beautiful young mother and wife, as a talented artisan, writer, and teacher, as a loving grandmother and someone who worked hard to create positive energy in the world.